What it is
A piece of neuroscience that's almost embarrassingly simple: when you put a specific name to what you're feeling, activity in your amygdala (the emotional alarm centre) reduces, and activity in your prefrontal cortex (the deciding centre) increases.
The act of labelling the feeling separates you from it slightly. You go from being angry to noticing anger. That small distance is where choice lives.
For ADHD brains. Which often experience emotions louder and faster than the average brain. This is one of the highest-leverage techniques there is.
When to use it
- You feel a feeling that's about to drive a reaction you'll regret
- You're spiralling and can't tell why
- Someone has said something and your body's already responding
- You're noticing you're acting weird but don't know what's actually going on
How to do it
- Pause. Even one beat.
- Name the feeling, specifically. Not "I'm bad." Specifically: anger, shame, disappointment, dread, jealousy, restlessness, loneliness.
- If multiple, name them all. Often the surface emotion (rage) is masking the underlying one (hurt). Naming both helps.
- Don't try to fix the feeling. Just naming it does the work. The fix can come later.
The labels can be silent (in your head), out loud, or written. Writing tends to be most effective for big feelings.
An example
A colleague gave me feedback in a way that landed harshly. I felt my chest go tight, my face flush, and the impulse to fire back rising.
In my head, I said: that hurt my feelings. I feel embarrassed. I'm also angry because I disagree with the framing.
Three names, three seconds. The tightness eased about 30%. I was still upset, but I could speak. I asked a clarifying question instead of defending. The conversation ended fine.
I would not have asked the clarifying question without the naming.
When this fails
- You name it vaguely. "I'm upset" is not specific enough. "I'm humiliated and angry" is.
- You use the name to judge the feeling. Saying "I'm being pathetic" isn't naming. It's attacking. Naming is descriptive, not evaluative.
- You skip it for "small" emotions. Small emotions accumulate. Naming a low-grade irritation in the moment is easier than naming a meltdown two hours later.
Try it this week
The next time you notice a strong feeling. At work, with a partner, watching news, scrolling. Pause and silently name it specifically. Try to name at least two layers ("frustrated, also embarrassed"). Notice whether the urgency drops.